End of the year......

As 2014 comes to a close I hope everyone can look back and say that it
was a good year. This time last year I was really excited about
the new year, giddy almost! I had a lot of hopes and dreams, was
on a weight loss journey and was excited about a lot of things!
But things went south really fast and then my dad's death in March
just kind of sealed the deal. I think I just gave up a little. My word
for last year was JOY, I don't think I had a lot of joy, but then when
I really look at my life, there IS joy there. My word for 2015 is LIVE.
I hope to live this year! I want to enjoy life to the fullest, I want to
be in the moment and enjoy everything! I hope everyone reading
this has a great 2015!


God Bless

Changes & no regrets

So life is all about changes and when you have  a death in the family, life
is bound to change.  I have learned so much about my dad since he passed
away. Things I wish I knew while he was still alive. All I have now are
regrets. I would tell anyone to not have any regrets, they are the worst!
I want to sit people down that knew my dad and ask them to tell me
everything they know about my dad!  I don't have that luxury though.
I want people to know just how precious life is.  To enjoy their
loved ones, appreciate them. tell them that you love them.  We only
get one chance to live life. Please, live with no regrets!


God Bless,
Mitzi

March

Wow, what a month March was!  You never know what a month, week or day will bring. I'm going to write about what has happened in my life. So this
might get lengthy but this is what I need to do....


On February 27, 2014, my dad turned 80..... He had not
been feeling well and we talked about taking him to the hospital but he
ended up not going. On Saturday morning he decided he wanted
to go to the hospital. He was taken to our local hospital and they did
several tests on him. They decided he had several things wrong with him
and he was transferred on Monday to a bigger hospital with more
specialists.  He was being treated for pneumonia. He also had an
aneurysm on his aorta and a mass in his lung. On Thursday he
was to have a biopsy of the mass in his lung. Around 1:05 a.m. he
buzzed for the nurse to help him find something on tv. (my dad never
called for the nurse, so I wonder if he was trying to do it himself and
accidently called her) She found Fox news for him because he really
liked that. About 30 minutes later, his heart monitor went off and said
that his heart rate was dropping. Around 1:50, my father was taken
home. No more pain, no more suffering, no more depression.... We got
a call around 2:00 a.m. saying he had taken a turn for the worse and we
rushed down there. (almost an hour drive) But he was already gone.
When we got there, there was a note on his door that said
to see the nurse before entering.
To open that door and see your father's lifeless body lay there, where he
once laid, alive, was very hard!  We then spent a few hours saying our
goodbyes.  One thing that gave us comfort was that we believed
God took him home because he knew the road ahead was going to
be hard and he spared us all the pain of going thru that. He may
have had lung cancer and he was not strong enough to go thru any kind
of treatment. My mom was afraid he might not have made it thru
the biopsy.  I have been bothered by the fact that I don't know exactly
what was wrong with him and what caused his death, but I am comforted
knowing that he is in a better place.
One thing that went thru my mind over and over was a
Buddha quote, "The problem is you think you have time." This is
SO true. I have thought for the last few YEARS to go & intentionally visit
with  my parents, write down stories and talk about their lives. I knew,
 I KNEW that this day would come and I would regret not doing this and
yet I never did it.... and now I have regrets....  The next few days were
going through the motions.  I cried so hard for my dad, for the little boy
who lost his dad when he was young to a heart attack. For the
young man who found out he was partially color blind and couldn't fly
an airplane for the Air Force and yet no one told him that he could go into
something else besides being a pilot, for the man who took care of his mom that got hepatitis from bad blood she received after a drunk driver hit her.
Life is hard, change is hard.. I cried because my dad wanted to be
cremated and I just couldn't let my mind go there....  Lots of tears..
Going through my dads things just doesn't seem right.  We sold my dad's
car last week. Was not ready for that, but someone offered to buy it
as is and so we took the offer.  That was hard..  Picking out a headstone
was hard...  I know death is a part of life and once they are gone, the
soul is gone and it's just a body, but that body is my physical connection
to my loved one...  This change has been life changing for me.
I have to physically stop sometimes and think oh yeah,
I don't have a dad anymore.  People
don't know what to say so they don't say anything.. People ask you how
you are because they know you will say you're fine, when you're SO not
fine!
My dad did donate his cornea's so there is 1 or 2 people with new
sight. I hope they are doing everything that my dad wasn't
able to do.


I know that I have rambled on and there is so much more I could
say, but the main thing I want to say is please don't
waste your days. Don't let time pass you by.  Your days are
so precious and your loved ones need to know that you love
them.


God Bless,
Mitzi

Believing in yourself

SO I really wanted to start a blog and really thought I would write all the time
but I feel like when I write I have to say something meaningful and sometimes
I just want to write for fun, or vent or tell you something.... SO I guess I took
some time off. Well I'm back for today and if for no other reason to say I was
here this month!!
So I have been really itching to be creative.... I don't know with what or how, but
I have just been wanting to do something!  I would love to write a book. I would
love to sell a craft. I would love to take words and make them into something
meaningful for people. I would love to take my pictures and sell them. But I
feel like I'm not good enough to do any of that! I don't believe in myself enough.
I'm scared of following my dreams. I get a dream and then I can think of millions
of reasons why I can't do it or I shouldn't and on and on....
I hope I can one day believe in myself and I can bring my dreams to life!!


Have a great day!

Gift Cards and Last Days

So I got a gift card for Christmas and it calls my name each and every day... Buy something, use me, you need that!!  When you only have so much money to spend on something it's very easy to get caught up in wanting to buy the perfect thing. Should I use it on this or maybe that, oh wait I really need this!  Is there really a perfect item out there that you could possibly spend it on. Even if you find the perfect thing, something will more than likely catch your eye as soon as you spend it. But what if we knew we only had so many hours or days left to live. How would we live them? Would we try to cram everything in that we possibly could? Would we just give up and cry and be sad for all that we won't be around to do?  This goes back to the age old question
are you a glass half full kind of person or a glass half empty kind of person.  I really don't know what kind of person I am. I try to be positive, but I do get lost in depression and a poor me mentality.  If I knew it was my last day on earth, I would want to spend it with my son and my loved ones, eat anything I want, but I would also want to spend some time sitting in the sun watching the clouds go by and thanking God for all my blessings and praying over the ones I leave behind.  But do we really want to know how many days we
have left? I don't. I know we are supposed to live everyday like it could be our
last but how many of us really do that? Most people think that they have the privilege
of growing old, but we just never know. I hope you all enjoy each day, enjoy the messes
you have to clean up because you have been blessed with a family. Enjoy the commute to work because you have been blessed with a job. Enjoy your friends and family because God loves you and wants you to spend time with people you love and that love you back.
I pray that you all have a great day and spend your life and gift cards to the fullest!


God Bless,
Mitzi

Pinterest

So do you Pinterest? I had surfed the Pinterest website for a year
before I finally decided to sign up and start pinning my favorites
to boards.  I was reviewing my pins last night and thought wow,
I have some pretty neat stuff pinned on here! I should pay more
attention to what I pin! I am a quote lover and I have a lot of
wonderful quotes pinned. I love to craft and I have several neat
crafts pinned.  I love the holidays and I have something pinned
for almost every holiday. BUT... what do you do with it all
after you pin it? It just sits there in cyber space, to be forgotten
about it...  I think that is a lot like what we do in real life.
We are all about getting stuff, accumulating things and then it
just sits there. What do we do with it all? Why are we so
materialistic? I have recently moved and I know that we
have accumulated a lot of stuff. Stuff that I haven't even
unpacked yet, but I know that I need it, can't get rid
of it, to many memories to throw away....  What is it about
stuff that makes us feel so comfortable and yet so uncomfortable
with the thought of passing it on. 
We all know that we can't take these things with us. Our stuff
is just weighing us down. How freeing it must be to just let it go....
Matthew 6:20 says Store up yourselves treasures in heaven, where
moths and vermin do not destroy and where thieves do not
break in and steal.
I pray that we can all enjoy the things we are blessed with, but that
we don't let them take over our lives or keep us from seeing the
big picture and what's important. Stuff is just that, stuff......


God Bless,
Mitzi

A Great Day

Today has been one of those days that was pretty much perfect. We
had the day off from school so my son and I just hung out all
morning. He asked me to sew his glove (that's only a month old) while
I was getting the thread ready he decided he could do it. So off he went
to sew all by himself. I was in shock. I was so proud that he was trying
something new. Then he decided to go try out the sewing machine my mother
in law gave us. I'm still a little afraid of it, but he went full steam ahead
and did a good job with it.  After lunch we went off to do
a little shopping and then off to the dentist.  We laughed and joked
and talked about things. It was such a great day!  Any day I can spend with
my son is a great day in my book :)!  I know that God has entrusted me with
this special gift of raising my son and I only hope that I am pleasing him.


God Bless,
Mitzi

Disappointment

Well in my attempt to eat healthy, I have managed to eat everything
that has caused my arthritis to flare up :(..  Sometimes the more I try
to do good and improve myself, the more it just backfires. I know that is the
devil working on me, but sometimes it's easier to just give up and
try again later.... That's not the best answer I know, but I have learned to
do what I need to do in my own time frame. I was really excited about
going to the hospital gym to work out, but when I went to check it out
I was immediately intimidated. There were people in there working out
and one guy kept trying to talk to me.. I felt very awkward and out of
place. SO needless to say I gave up and I haven't been back.  Yes I feel
like a big loser, but sometimes things just don't work out. I'm ok with that.
Yes, I'm ok to walk away from things that make me uncomfortable, things
that take me out of my comfort zone. No it's probably not the best thing
to do, but that's the story of my life.  I'm facing a lot of disappointment
in my life lately. Some Disappointment that I have brought on myself. I'm waiting
on that day that I will say enough is enough and I will know what to
do to change. I plug away day after day doing the same thing, hoping
that one day something will be different. I have so many plans for
my life, but I have no idea how to execute them. I feel like I'm
stuck in a rut that's why it's so easy to just walk away from things,
because I'm expecting one day that things will be different! 
I know this is no way to waste your life, because God wants
so much more for us. God doesn't want us to endure life he
wants us to enjoy life. When you have an autoimmune
disease like me, you look at life differently. There are limits
on your life. You see your own mortality and it's not fun. You
know that there are things you want to do, but you can't
physically do them. You know that in several days you want
or need to do something, so therefore you have to take it easy
so your body is rested up to do the things you want/need to do.
You have to plan ahead, you have to say no sometimes...
Saying no makes you feel like your making excuses. You feel
like people think you are lying. So as the new year is
upon us, I am actually excited for what lies ahead.  I feel like
there are big things waiting in the wings for me. I feel like
my big break is coming....  I just have to believe and be
ready to actually step out of my comfort zone when the time
is right. My favorite Bible Verse is Jeremiah 29-11, For I know
the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you
and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I think it just pretty well sums everything up! God will
take care of us.


God Bless,
Mitzi

Joy

I once heard Joel Osteen say don't let anyone ever steal your
joy. I have repeated that many times to my son and to other
people, but I really don't abide by it myself! Maybe that's why
I chose JOY to be my word for the year.  I try to be a happy
person, but I also keep everything bottled up inside of me
and let things fester..... Fester is not a pleasant word is it?
I let little things bother me that I have no control over, I don't
know why. It's not that I think I'm right all the time, but
sometimes it's just that this is how it is and if someone
doesn't follow those rules then I think they are wrong.
When my son was in 2nd grade and it was his turn to be
bathroom monitor, he would come home pretty much
everyday and tell me how he told on some of the boys
in the bathroom. I always remember telling him, people
don't like tattle tales and is it worth telling on your
friend because they didn't wash their hands? His answer
was always they didn't follow the rules. Now how do you
tell your son to not tell on his friends for not washing
their hands, when he knows what's right and wrong and
he has been told the rules and that when you don't
follow them there are consequences. Where do you draw
the line at being liked & having friends and being a rule
follower & possibly losing a friend?  I tend to get most
upset when I'm around people and I see them as I like
to think of it as getting away with stuff!  That is probably
my biggest Joy stealer!  I want to get over this. I shouldn't
let other peoples actions take over my life like it does.
My hope this year is to be like a duck and let things roll
off my back! These people don't answer to me, why do
I make it any of my concern??!!  My hope is to find
JOY this year, in everything :)!

I hope you have a JOY filled year!
Mitzi