Disappointment

Well in my attempt to eat healthy, I have managed to eat everything
that has caused my arthritis to flare up :(..  Sometimes the more I try
to do good and improve myself, the more it just backfires. I know that is the
devil working on me, but sometimes it's easier to just give up and
try again later.... That's not the best answer I know, but I have learned to
do what I need to do in my own time frame. I was really excited about
going to the hospital gym to work out, but when I went to check it out
I was immediately intimidated. There were people in there working out
and one guy kept trying to talk to me.. I felt very awkward and out of
place. SO needless to say I gave up and I haven't been back.  Yes I feel
like a big loser, but sometimes things just don't work out. I'm ok with that.
Yes, I'm ok to walk away from things that make me uncomfortable, things
that take me out of my comfort zone. No it's probably not the best thing
to do, but that's the story of my life.  I'm facing a lot of disappointment
in my life lately. Some Disappointment that I have brought on myself. I'm waiting
on that day that I will say enough is enough and I will know what to
do to change. I plug away day after day doing the same thing, hoping
that one day something will be different. I have so many plans for
my life, but I have no idea how to execute them. I feel like I'm
stuck in a rut that's why it's so easy to just walk away from things,
because I'm expecting one day that things will be different! 
I know this is no way to waste your life, because God wants
so much more for us. God doesn't want us to endure life he
wants us to enjoy life. When you have an autoimmune
disease like me, you look at life differently. There are limits
on your life. You see your own mortality and it's not fun. You
know that there are things you want to do, but you can't
physically do them. You know that in several days you want
or need to do something, so therefore you have to take it easy
so your body is rested up to do the things you want/need to do.
You have to plan ahead, you have to say no sometimes...
Saying no makes you feel like your making excuses. You feel
like people think you are lying. So as the new year is
upon us, I am actually excited for what lies ahead.  I feel like
there are big things waiting in the wings for me. I feel like
my big break is coming....  I just have to believe and be
ready to actually step out of my comfort zone when the time
is right. My favorite Bible Verse is Jeremiah 29-11, For I know
the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you
and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I think it just pretty well sums everything up! God will
take care of us.


God Bless,
Mitzi